Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Wanting To Write

I've been wanting to write a blog post for some time.  But obviously I haven't until now.  Oh I have my reasons.  Primarily I'd say it is because I didn't want to dish.  But I need to vent, I need to stretch myself out to my readers who have been where I've been and where I'm going.

So here I'll go....

Having a baby is wonderful.  It has changed my marriage profoundly.  I have less: sex, sleep, food, free time, shower time, you name it time.  But I get more love from a never ending source of pure energy that will one day turn to despise me because I probably won't give her something that she has to have or she thinks she'll be ostracized from her peer group without the item.

Mainly my problem is my spouse.  The more pain I'm in the more pain he proclaims he is in.  Example: This week I've been limping about with my knee and hip issues due to the weather and he complains about sliding on the floor with socks.  He goes to sick call and has them look at this big toe.  They take an x-ray but don't think he broke it.  It isn't broke.  It barely has a violet undertone to the nail.  Barely a sprain they told him.  He needs the pity from me I guess.

My birthday was Monday.   J decided he couldn't get me a gift because he just couldn't figure out, after 12 years together, what I could possibly want, so he writes me a letter.  That very day he reneges on the promises in the letter and the next day too.  I spoke nicely in a calm and quiet manner to him about it.  He says you make me feel like Hitler.  I asked him how I made him feel like that?  He says that in an article he read recently that it is something that Hitler would have done.  I sigh at that point.  There is no point in continuing this conversation.  Oh and on my birthday I went to a place bought myself some potting soil, plants and plant hangers for the boxes I had on hand.  So far I have the planter boxes up but no plants in them.  I am working around the baby's schedule and the heat index too.

I have said to my husband that I feel as though that the more restriction my doctors place upon me that the more he resents me.  With this resentment I feel as though J decides to test me to see just how much more he can pile on me for work even though I do ask for his help.

Last night I was really tired and achey.  My hands were swollen and hurt.  No I still haven't had the carpal tunnel surgery.  Yes, the carpal tunnel in my right is severe but I said I would put it off until E is in school so that J has more time saved up.  Back to last night.  J made E fish sticks.  He cooked himself dinner and ate my take out left overs.  He didn't call me to the table.  I go into the kitchen.  I asked him if he was planning on inviting me to dinner to.  He said he didn't think of it.  So I went back to the living room.  I held my temper.  I went back into the kitchen and very nicely told him I didn't like this.  I said that, "remember how you felt at Christmas when your family didn't invite you to the table for dinner?  Remember how that made you feel when they ate without you?  Well that is how you've been making me feel each time for the past year.  When your Mom came here to help out with E when I had the surgery just after giving birth.  No one cooked for me.  I wasn't invited to the table.  You didn't make me a meal either.  When I had surgery in January again you didn't cook for me either."  He got my point.

So there I've dished.
Eily playing the bongos and playing with a drum can.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

First Birthday

My beautiful baby girl turned one year old yesterday.  We celebrated her birthday over the weekend.

She is now 22.2 pounds.  30.7 inches tall.  Her head circumference is now 18.1 inches.

Her twelfth month check up went well.  The doctor said she is very smart and has set the bar very high for other children her age to catch up to her.

Her new favorite word is "DUH".

I made both of the cakes.  Just the four of us celebrating at home plus J's parents via Skype.

As you can see Eilonwy enjoyed her cake!

Friday, June 26, 2015

As Fifty-One Weeks Draws To A Close

I have one smart cookie.

Her word list includes:
I found it (playing find Bugsy)
Bad Daddy
I like this (shopping)
I want this (shopping)
I pooped
How are you
Hi Dada
I dropped it
Big step (J always tells her to take a big step to get over the baby gate)
Happy Birthday----My mother heard her say this one over the phone.  Eily likes to watch Chica announce the birthdays on Sprout every day.

The above photo I entitled "the Force is strong with this Youngling"

I'm really biased as to her looks but then again I think most parents should be or else they'd probably just off their kids when they are being bratty.  Of which Eily isn't being bratty as of yet since she hasn't hit her twos.

I think she is just adorable.

As you can see from the background we are still doing cloth diapers.  She has lots of books.  She loves to tear into the books read the books.  I usually read her a story or two a day while she sits quietly crawls over mama using my braid as a teether or knocks down the blocks I'm building for her as I read the story.  I wish I could bottle some of her energy and store for her middle age.  I love my baby girl.  I love playing with her.  I love being a mama.  I don't mind the dirty diapers, the spit up, the midnight teething.  I'm just happy that I can give Eily a better childhood than I had.  Every one remarks on how she is such a happy baby.

I took this final photo just now of Eily .  I wonder what she is thinking?  I wonder what her future holds?
xc---Eily just typed that little bit.  Yes I allow her to use the computer already too.

Monday, June 8, 2015

11 Months Old

Eily turned eleven months old this morning.  Time does fly by.

We went for a walk before 0900 hrs because it gets way too darn hot to go after that time down here in southern Georgia.  I mean crazy hot after 0900 hrs!

She has 6 teeth.

She babbles.

She also has several words she speaks but I've written about that before.

She is going in for surgery the end of this month.  I'll write about that after it is over with.

My followers know that she has been walking since she was 7 months and 1 week of age.

Her height is about 30 inches and weight is about 21 pounds.  I'll find out more at her 1 year appointment next month.

She ran at the camera this morning for this photo.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Over Hill Over Dale I Hope I Don't Hit The Dusty Trail Face First

Fumbling over words and stumbling over my own feet I some how made it through yesterday.  Today I'm taking it easy.

Yesterday the three of us decided to venture out of the house for a few hours.  We checked out a flea market in Savannah.  Eily wasn't impressed by the puppy mill area nor were we.  It smelled of beer, feces and decay.  The poor animals were packed in cages and fighting over one another to get to the water being poured into the cage through the wire from a recycled Mt. Dew bottle by their owner.  The cage of kittens was stacked on top of a cage of puppies.  The kittens were so lethargic from the heat that they didn't even respond to the water being poured into the cage.  I was disgusted and we turned away as soon as we could from the crowed of people that were hyped about the bull puppies in cages.

We then went to a Scottish pub for an early dinner.  Eily had her bottle, cheerios, bambas, and orange.  J and I had meat pies for our starter.  He ordered a burger while I had a stuffed portabella mushroom.  I had difficulty ordering.  I did explain to our waitress about my condition and that I have trouble speaking at times.  Yesterday was that day for me.  No changing table in the men's room but there was in the ladies room so I managed a quick diaper change for Eily there.

In all those fibromyalgia commercials they talk about the pain.  There is more than pain.  I have days where I have the shakes from my medicines.  I have days where the disconnect in the language center of my brain is horrid.  I know what I want to say but saying it is like playing the old pyramid game on television.  I have to describe the word because I can't remember the word.  Or the word comes out as the opposite word.  Or worse yet I sound like a drunken idiot and babble and slur my words.  Mind you I don't drink while on my meds and certainly not while my Fibromyalgia is that bad.

Earlier this week I fell with Eily in my arms.  My left leg again gave out.   Eily is just fine.  I was holding tight to her and the way I landed she was in her standing position which only scared her. I saw my pain management doctor on Thursday and told her.  She made note of it and the bruising on my leg.  She made a follow up appointment for 12 weeks out.  Honestly there isn't much that can be done for me any more except back surgery.  I'm scared.  At the rate I'm going I might just be in that dreaded wheel chair faster than I expected.  Two bad falls just this month.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Four and a Half Months After Surgery

and I'm still having pain.

No bleeding but I'm still having pain.  It is rather uncomfortable to say the least.  Sex wasn't always fun with the endometriosis but I wanted it.  I still want it but now when I have an O there is stabbing pain radiating through the pelvis with the O.  When I asked the oncologist about that particular issue last month they said it might go away or it might always be there because of the extensive damage to my pelvic region from the endometriosis and surgery.  The round ligament has been cut through so many times I will never have a flat stomach now.

Now that the adhesions have been removed from the bowels I am at the other end of the IBS with the diarrhea where before I used to be constipated.

Even though I'm no longer bleeding and no longer have the reproductive organs Endometriosis has left terrible scars behind.  Scars upon my body and mind.  Scars on my mind because of the lost pregnancies.  Scars on my body from the surgeries.

The left uppermost scar where they inserted all the equipment in the last surgery sits just below my floating ribs.  When I bend over the scar tissue likes to slip under the ribs and gets caught there causing pain until I can massage and pull it back out.  Not fun.

Last post I forgot to mention what J got me for Mother's Day as a gift.  I asked him to make a donation to an animal shelter for cats for me.  He did.  He told me how much and what in the card he gave me on Mother's Day.  He is so sweet.  I have my family and Bugsy means so very much to me.  I really hate thinking about the time he spent as a stray.  I want to give back when we can and why not with a gift this way.  I don't need more material possessions.

Friday, May 15, 2015

10 months and an Over Due Update

So 10 months has zoomed by.  I missed posting last week because my mother was visiting.

Eily has gained a pound and grew another 1/2 inch.  She is now almost 21 lbs and even closer to the 30 inches in height shy by just 1/4 inch.

She is such a cute little stinker.  Yesterday I came back into the room where I had her in her playpen to find her laying down on her stomach.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said, "I pooped".  Sure enough she had and off we went to change her diaper.

The visit with my mother went well enough.  She didn't hold Eily much.   She only picked her up once of her own accord.  She held her one other time to have her picture taken with her.  I asked her if she wanted to feed her and she responded that she had taken care of enough babies in her lifetime.  Sighs...oh well.  Mom never did want children.  I mean she is happy to have adult children now but she didn't really want us.  Children were something she was expected to have much the way a women is expected to have say a purse or a pair of earrings

Mother's Day was okay.  I washed my mom's laundry, dried it and folded it for her.  I made sure she had everything she needed.  I baked her a cake, I cooked for her.  I even took her out to a nice restaurant for a surf and turf.  Oh and when we played a few games of Flinch and I kept winning Mom was getting cranky.  So I said whoever wins the next round wins for the night so of course I threw the hand.  She is a sore loser and an even worse winner that loves to gloat.  I did mention that to her to remind her that she could learn to be nicer about things.

For all that she held her granddaughter she bragged to her sister how solidly she is built.  How would my mom know?  What she did notice is that Eily is a very happy baby.  She said I wasn't like that.  Gee I wonder why?  Eily is a happy baby because J and I promote a happy atmosphere for her to grow up in.  If we have a problem I tell him to go outside and I'll go outside to talk with him later.  Sometimes his work gets in the way.  Why argue around the kids like my parents did?  It only upsets them!  I don't remember how many times I went to bed with an upset stomach over my parents fighting and I mean fighting.

We won't be moving to a new duty station any time soon.  However we might be moving to a new home soon.  Looks like three apartments, bigger ones, will be available soon.  We have been given the new addresses to take a look at and decide which one we might like.  It would be nice to give Eily a bigger bedroom.  This place is so tiny and poorly laid out.