Monday, January 26, 2015

Endo Pain and Bleeding

Last night the pain was horrible.

I was curled up into the fetal position wishing I were dead.

I had forgotten just how bad the cramps and bleeding could be.  I mean where the heck could all these clots be coming from?  I don't have a uterus left!  How much uterus did they leave up there?

I guess I'll just have to ask questions tomorrow after surgery if I am coherent enough to do so.  Or have my husband ask the questions if he can remember.

In about 10 minutes I'll be taking that nasty magnesium citrate.  Yuck!

J isn't home yet for lunch.

E is asleep in her stroller from the walk we took this morning.  I still find that exercise helps to relieve some of the menstrual cramps.   Geez I thought menstrual cramps were all behind me.

Please let this be my last menstrual cycle!

Hoping that all goes well with the liquid diet today and the surgery tomorrow.  I'm so tired from a night of no sleep.  Hard to type.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Final Weekend Binge

***Warning what I'm going to discuss will be disgusting at the end****  (Pun intended)

I'd like to say I'm giving up junk food for Lent but it isn't February yet.

I'd like to say I'm headed on to a new fad diet.

I'd like to say that I'm going to eat healthier.

No none of that.

Monday I get to drink at NOON the first bottle of Magnesium Citrate.  If that makes me poop clear...oh dear GOD clear, then I don't have to drink the next bottle two hours later.

Pooping clear.  That is going to hurt.

Yes I would know.  I've had a colonoscopy before.  But this isn't for one of those.  I only wish it were because I would be able to get up from a nice twilight sleep with very little cramping and be on my way.

No on Monday I'll be going through major surgery with organ removal.  They want my colon and small intestines cleared out in case, while removing the endometriosis and adhesions, they nic it they don't infect the pelvic cavity with the contents of the bowels.

I have images of the robotic arm going crazy and slicing me up like a bad 80's science fiction movie.  Oh I realize the chances of that are slim to none but still I have a very active imagination.  With that active imagination I have been having troubles sleeping even with the 10 mg of melatonin taken each night.

Again I just stated my case to my spouse that I'll need him home after lunch on Monday to watch Little E while I go "shit my brains out".  There is no way with my spastic colon I'll be doing otherwise.  If he can't be home that afternoon before the surgery I don't know what I'll do honestly.  I'd hate to just put her in the playpen and let her scream while I attend to my business in the bathroom which will be frequent trips.  Even with being on an all liquid diet for 24 hours I remember well that I was still passing mucus the next morning and it hurt.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Having a Period AFTER a Hysterectomy

Yup you read the title of this blog post right.

The bleeding that I had over Christmas week was in fact a period.  I had my follow up appointment with my Oncologist Gyn today.  The reason why I had a period was something that I had time to research and think about; uterine tissue was left behind.

See a hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus.

On the 27th of this month I'll be having an oophrectomy and I'll be having my cervix removed too since that likes to also bleed if touched by even a long cotton swab as evidence today in the pelvic exam and date with the dildo cam.

Dr. Richards will be having a general surgeon by the name of Dr. Christmas scrub in as well.  They are expecting this to get a bit complicated and Dr. Christmas also is familiar with using the robotic device in surgery.

One over night stay and I'll be back home again.

12 weeks no sex.  Um, not like I have much of that now because of pain anyway!

But it will be nice to no longer get periods at all.  I had really thought that having the uterus removed 6 months ago the day after I gave birth to my beautiful daughter would have ended that nasty part of my life.  I thought wrong.

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers on the 27th.  I'll try to post again before that as I have jitters and am eating my emotions right now.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Growing Pains of Teething

Little E still has no teeth but she does have plenty of crying, pain and drool.  I'm hoping that soon a pearly white will rear its head so that her pain lessens.  It has gotten to the point, at the beginning of each feeding,  she pushes away the spoon or bottle unless she can chew on them only.

She is getting so big.  No longer are folks telling me what a small baby she is.  They are often mistaking her for being a one year old.

She is taken steps when I hold her hands.

She loves to dance when I hold her hands and music is playing.  Just yesterday she was dancing to The Count as he was counting to nine with the beat of the music.  So cute!

She loves to shop.  Yesterday I took her shopping for a few fill-in items (socks and a sun hat) and some bigger sizes for her closet.  Of course, like most babies her age, she is attracted to the bright colors.  When I placed neon pink pants on the counter to purchase my husband commented on how bright they were and I explained that she liked them.  Yes, I give her some choices in colors and patterns.

Her fairy godmother, my long time friend from NY and maid of honour, sent a care package addressed to my daughter.  In it was more clothing.  N loves to shop which is good since I don't care for it much.  When N comes for a visit we'll go shopping with E and I'm sure those two will have fun.  I have no problem paying for E's clothing I just detest shopping with those bright lights boring into my eyes causing a headache and the pushy people.

I saw the pain doctor in Savannah yesterday.  I want to get better and I will have to start with drugs first.  If the drugs don't help they'll move me on to the next step.  I really don't like taking drugs.  For now I'm to start topamax back up.  I used to take it for my migraines but it is also used for fibromyalgia treatment Dr.K. told me.    Dr.K. doesn't like the idea of me putting off the carpal tunnel surgery for a few years.  I want to wait until E is bigger; maybe school age.

I'll be using tramadol for the pain in my various spinal areas.  I asked to not be put on a narcotic.  I'll be using lidoderm patches as well.  I was hoping for a new TENS unit but I guess that is in the far future.  My old unit died.

The oophrectomy is set for the 28th of January.  I'm not looking forward to the surgery but I am looking forward to the relief it is supposed to give me.  I'm hoping that Dr.R. will be able to remove all of the visible endometriosis and adhesions too.  The pain has been getting worse.  Also the idea of losing my ovaries and possibly not being able to tolerate hormone therapy is not so pleasing.  I have never done well with the hormone therapy even in the IVF and DEIVF.

Here is a photo of my little ballerina who did an accidental split this morning:

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Six Months Today

Today my precious Little E turned 6 months old.

She has grown about two inches since her last pediatric appointment.  She is now 26.25 inches in length.

Weight is 17 pounds 7 ounces.

Her head is 43 cm.

All is well and she is in the 70th percentile for her age.

She is on stage 2 foods with green beans being her favorite vegetable.  Chicken is her favorite of the meats and bananas are her favorite fruit so far.

Unfortunately she is quite crabby from the immunizations.  But if I had four needles stuck into my thighs I doubt I'd be smiling either.

This was taken before her shots this morning.  Her shirt says :Happy all the time.

Photo of her Christening

Sunday, January 4, 2015

time for another Why I'm Grateful post

Recently a reader said I wasn't being grateful for my daughter with the post about me being in tears.

I didn't complain about my daughter.  I complained about my brother.  I complained about my health.  I complained about having to try to fit court dates into an already busy schedule.

So now I'll list what I am grateful for.  Oh and if you were one of those secretly saying that I'm whining ....go stick it.

Why I'm Grateful:

  1. I got to make peace with my father before he died.
  2. I had a baby last year of whom I cannot dote on enough, praise enough, and tell the world enough about.  However, I won't brag about her here daily as I don't want to be one of those women that was infertile and has her baby and forgets the struggle of all the rest of those out there still wanting a baby.
  3. I lived after giving birth.  It was a close call.  If it hadn't of been for my husband yelling for the doctors and their quick action to resuscitate me I wouldn't be here today.
  4. I have a wonderful husband.  Yes, he gets on my nerves before he has a mission but I've noticed that most soldiers start acting differently before they have to go away too.  It is just part of being a military family.
  5. I have a great cat.  He is the best cat around.  Truly a Nanny Cat.
  6. I have my friends.  My true friends that are there for me when I need them.  I include my husband in this because he is there for me when I have the nightmares and sleep walking and PTSD issues.
  7. I have my family.  No I'm not including my mom, brother or in-laws.  As my husband said to me this past Christmas, "my family is in this room" with his meaning me, E, and Bugsy.  I have to agree we are a family and a damn nice one too.
  8. I have love.
  9. I don't want for much because I keep my needs and wants simple.  I'm grateful for that because I've been able to save up enough to pay for the out of pocket expenses with savings and not credit (except to earn the cash back and pay if off immediately) every time I did an infertility treatment.  Learning to live with less has really changed me and I'm grateful for that experience.
  10. I have the love of my God.  God has been fair with me and shown me my path.  Enough said.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

With Tears In My Eyes

I swear that my life will be better next year.

I'm going to get counseling.

I told J just this very thing tonight.

Mom had me in tears a few minutes ago.  She asked me to drop the charges against my brother.  Um, no.  I told her what will I teach my daughter?  I will teach her that it is okay to be hit, punched, strangled, used as a punching bag and bullied if I dropped the charges.  What kind of roll model would that make me?

So no I'm not dropping the charges.

My brother was arrested yesterday.  Court date is causing me issues with all of the appointments I have this month.  I have three with my oncologist, one with the pain management specialist, one with the pulmonary specialist for the sleep study consult and two appointments for my daughter on the calender too.  January is going to be a crazy month.

Fitting in a court date is going to be near impossible.  Will I do it?  I have no choice.  I thought I had a choice when the first phone message was left by the investigator.  She said it would be better if I was there but not necessary.  Second phone message said I had to be there and they would change the court date by asking for a continuance if necessary.

So I'll have to find someone to watch my cat.  J will have to ask for emergency leave.  E will have to be uprooted from her routine yet again.  This is going to suck.

My health is declining right now.  I've been off the potassium long enough that the leg cramps and chest pains have started up again.  The vaginal bleeding has stopped as of yesterday.  I'm not even sure why I was bleeding as I no longer have a uterus.  I guess that is a question I'll have to pose to my oncologist but that means calling him and I just got home yesterday and haven't had a chance to do much but get E some clothes and shop for groceries.

I just want it done with.