Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Parking Problems

I'm annoyed to say the least.  I'll be polite as I'm practicing to be a better human around my newborn.

I'm entitled to two parking spots as a tenant in the apartment in which I live.  One is designated with my apartment number under the canopy the other is with the three available slots in front of the building.  Since I at present have but one car I don't make too much of a fuss about the second slot disappearing on a regular basis.  But that will soon change when I have a second vehicle in this household and that will be soon; probably before the end of the year.

Today I left for my mid-morning walk with Little E and my spot under the canopy was vacant as my husband had taken the car to work.  I pulled in the trash and recycling bins from the road and went on my merry way.

When I got back I found differently.  In my spot was a jeep with mats under it of which belong to my neighbor that already takes up two additional spots to his one designated spot under the canopy.  He and his spouse have three vehicles.  There is plenty of over flow parking available.

We have asked our neighbors, nicely, several time to allow us a spot in the front and our designated one under the carport.  I know that Randy did not ask my spouse for parking privileges as my spouse cannot be reached by phone right now.  Though I wished he could be reached so I could warn him to hold his temper in check when he gets home for lunch.

In other news, Little E is now 16 weeks old.  Oh my has she grown.  I'll know just how much on the official numbers this Friday.

Friday, October 24, 2014

The 13th Gift


It wasn't that long ago that I would spend Christmas all alone.  It wasn't easy and it sure as heck wasn't fun.  The very first Christmas that I spent alone was the one after my divorce.  I was working 40 hours a week, deep in debt and had two cats for company.  I thought it would be the only Christmas I would ever have to spend alone so I made the best of it.  I put up a tree and decorated my parents' house.  They had fled the cold weather for warmer climates and I was wishing I had gone with them.  But for me the cold was a refresher; a new start.

Not only was I going through a divorce but I had also broken up with the boyfriend that I had just begun a relationship with two month previous.  It would have been nice to not have to spend the holidays alone but it wasn't in the cards.

Things could only get better I thought.  Well I was wrong and they only got worse.  But that part of my life has been discussed to death and most of you know that at the last day of that monumental year of my life I was raped.    I would not be getting much in the way of happy gifts of friends and family in my first year of being single.  No it would be another year before I was enfolded in the happiness of a new family.

The following year I had much to be happy for.  I was in a solid relationship, my divorce was final, and I was part of a new family or would be in the years to follow when I married into the clan.  I wouldn't spend another Christmas alone or at least I had hoped for a long time to come.

Six years passed and I was spending my first Christmas alone in a new state.  I wasn't able to drive the distance to see my husband's family.  I didn't have a cat or dog now.  I was alone.  But I kept with me the spirit of Christmas.

That year I decorated our first house.  Paper chains, snowflakes, ornaments, the tree and stockings.  I made sure the world that looked in my window knew I wasn't going to be depressed.  Christmas Eve, though I had purchased most of my own gifts, I opened the presents that I had wrapped for myself.  I realize this sounds a bit pathetic but it wasn't.  I knew that half way around the world my husband and his battle buddies, fighting for another country's freedom, would be getting into their Christmas stockings.  Hand selected toys and candy were individually wrapped and put into stockings I purchased for them.  If they had to spend Christmas away from their families at least they would know that someone back home was thinking of them too.

The next morning, Christmas morning, I got up bright and early and plugged in the lights for the tree.  Within minutes the calls started to ring my phone that would keep the season merry.  First Mom, then L and finally at last the most important one from J.  His phone call lasted just five minutes but it was the most cherished gift.  More nourishing than any Christmas ham because this five minute call nourished my brain.

This year my husband will spend Christmas with family, his family and mine because they are mine too.  This year we have a baby to bring home with us and our beloved cat Bugsy the stray that is no longer a stray.  My heart over fills with love this year as it does every year whether together or apart for I always try to keep the spirit of the season alive.

This post was inspired by The 13th Gift by Joanne Huist Smith, memoir about how  random acts of kindness transformed her family’s bereavement and grief during the holidays. Join From Left to Write on October 28th as we discuss The 13th Gift. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Dawning of a Better Day

Last night I pulled myself out of my funk.  I knew that it was again up to me to change the outlook on my own life.  It isn't all that bad I said to myself.  So what if my spouse can't handle work stress.  He isn't the only GI out there fighting the same fight and I'm not the only spouse out there with the same issues.

I know how much my husband loves pizza.  Last night when he called to say he wouldn't be home at the usual time I told him it was okay.  He doesn't like how I'm okay with him not being home on time.  He has said to me before that he doesn't understand how I can be so understanding of his work.  I tell him it isn't that I'd not like to rant and rave but that there is absolutely nothing I can do about his work schedule but accept it.  And that is what I do folks; I accept his work schedule since I can't change. So I decided to make him a special meal.

When he got home, near enough to 8 PM for me to call it 2000 hrs here, I asked him if he'd like his very own pizza for dinner.  He was surprised that I was willing to make it for him.  I explained that it won't be my own homemade sauce and dough but that I have a bottle of pizza sauce on hand and some Pillsbury dough.  He was okay with that.  I handed him over our daughter, she had just been fed and burped but didn't want a nap.  I chopped and diced and sliced up his favorite ingredients while the crust with some Italian seasoning was baking in the oven.  When the pre-cooking part was done I topped it and baked it again.  He was very appreciative especially since I got him a tv tray and he was able to watch a program on the television while being waited on.

I know that he hasn't been getting all the attention he would like of late.  I told him as much.  I said that I don't get attention from him either.  We realize that Little E comes first.  It is only for the first year or so that she needs so much attention and over the next few months it will be less so than it was the first month and so on until she is able to feed herself from the foods I give her.  For now she still needs all the attention that is normal for a 3 month old.  I remind him and myself that we made the same demands upon our parents too.

This morning my spouse helped me back to bed once he realized I was sleep walking and sleep talking again.  Ugh, I really detest PTSD.  Once I got back in bed I woke up and he told me what happened again.  I guess this morning I really seemed coherent up to the point where I asked him to take the baby from me and I wasn't holding her as she was in her crib.  He then knew I was sleep walking and talking.  I'm so afraid something is going to happen to my daughter that every night I go looking for her in our bed, frightened when I can't find, then wake up to realize this is the very reason why I refuse to co-sleep.  Imagine if I had one of those nightmares with her in the bed?  I'm afraid I end up flipping her out of the bed by accident.

I got up a bit late this morning and was giving Little E a bottle at 0628 hrs; still half an hour before the Itzbeen timer of 5 hours went off but that is just a reminder alarm for me if she hasn't fussed for a feeding beforehand.  When I got into the kitchen I noticed that J had cleaned up his morning mess, washed out Bugsy's wet food dish, and replaced the dish towels too.  That made my morning happy.  Well that and the fact I was able to sneak in a shower and write up this blog post.

I'll leave all of you with a photo and video.

This is a paw print of Bugsy and a hand print of Little E along with a shell I got on the beach in WA.  My little souvenirs of my time there.

video
Little E is learning to sit up for longer than a few seconds now.  I'm sure she would have stayed up longer if it hadn't of been for the coughing that started.  All that drooling from teething she does and sometimes she sucks it back down the throat.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Overwhelmed

I'm so tired.

I've gained 7.4 lbs in a week.

Thank you statin med for messing me up so bad.  I'm in a lot of pain and I've gained weight which doesn't help.  It can trigger hypothyroidism which in my case would make me taking the synthroid useless.

The PTSD nightmares are in full swing.  I've told my husband to knock it off when it comes to his hovering over me at the foot of the bed.  It is scaring the crap out of me.

Still having marriage issues.  I think that they are possibly worse now that we have a baby.  Any time I ask him to help out I swear it is like an episode of Blackish where Dre is looking for a pat on the back for loading the dishwasher.  I showed my husband that episode and he didn't like how it made men look bad.

I get that my spouse is busy but I'd like some family time where we are actually spending that time together as a family.  J just loves to create an argument.  He said the other day that he has verbal diarrhea and knows it gets him in trouble at times.  Is it too much to ask for that we could actually communicate once in a while?

Hoping we'll actually get the chance to see a marriage counselor soon.  I'm honestly not sure I want to stay in the marriage any longer.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Carving Out Bits of Time

We won't be carving pumpkins this year; no place to display them since we live in an apartment.  Maybe next year we'll have a lawn again on which to put the pumpkins.

Right now I'm just trying to carve out a bit of time to blog, do bills, laundry, find a meal that I don't have to cook for too long because there just isn't time for the cooking.  I scarf down food when I get the chance.  I swear Little E doesn't sleep.

Things could be better between the mister and I but it seems as though I am the only one willing to put any effort into the relationship.  I was warned that the guy feels neglected after a baby is born.  It is so true.  Well I do too but I'm not going to take it out on my marriage.

As for the neurology appointment the other; Candler Hospital forgot to forward the MRI results to my neurology office.  Great!  So I went in to the appointment with no medical records.  Thanks!

After the appointment I stopped by the medical records room at Candler and got the results myself.  I drove them over a few streets to the neurologist where they copied them.  I asked to have the doctor or nurse contact me when they have read the results.  Still waiting.

Later that same afternoon I had an appointment with my PCM.  Again no hands on with this new doctor.  As a matter of fact when I was asked by the nurse if I had any ear pain or sore throat and I declared a Yes response the doctor totally ignored it.  He again stood by the door for the full two minutes he deemed necessary to spend with me.  Jerk!

However my MRI results did confirm what I already knew.  My spine is getting worse.  I now have two bulging discs in my neck of which on is pressing against the spinal cord.  I have two in my back that I knew for years were bulging.  One of those is also now pushing against the spinal cord.  Fun!

I had to drop the atorvastatin I was prescribed as of today.  I called my PCM's office to tell them that I'd had enough of the muscle pain it was causing me.  It is a rare side effect.  I've been on the drug for a month now and it feels like I was hit by a Mac truck.  My arms and legs hurt so much to move it is as though I had run a marathon.  The nurse said they will switch my medications out.

The paperwork is ready for pick up today along with the new medicine.  What sucks is that I am without transportation to go get the paperwork.  There are days, like today, that I hate having just one vehicle.  The paperwork is the modification request for housing so that I am qualified to receive ADA housing.  We drove around a bit this weekend and noted a few ADA places were open.  Hoping we'll receive notice to move soon.  It is going to cost us a bit to move but to get away from the black mold in this hole it is worth it.

Yesterday I did get to drive, first time I have driven in over 6 months.  I drove back from Midway where J and I had a lunch with Little E, to the fort where we live.

Little E wearing her Totoro stuff.  Yes she is one of those babies that hates hats.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

First Word

Little E, with witnesses present, said her first word last night.  J and I were amazed.  Later she repeated herself on the phone with my mom.

Her first is "Hi".

Tuesday night she sat up, unsupported except for the back of the recliner, by herself.  No she didn't pull herself to a seated position but in a few months I'm sure she'll be trying to do just that.  We keep our furniture covered with washable towels for a good reason of late.

Oh and she had another growth spurt.  She weighs 14.6 pounds and is now 24 inches in length.  I'll find out her professionally documented stats the end of month at her 4 month Ped's appointment.

She still isn't rolling over.  I thought for sure with her ability to roll to her side at less than a month she'd be rolling over by now.  Thankfully it isn't something I need to worry much about until she hits 8 months.  If she hasn't done it by then I'll worry.

She stands supported, locks her little legs then decides to stamps her feet as if preparing to walk.  Now that is something to worry about!  I don't have baby gates as of yet and I haven't finished baby  proofing my domicile either.

While seated she loves to kick her heels up and slap her thighs.  From what I read about that it is a sign that she'll be crawling soon.  I'd be happy to just see her roll over.

As for me,  well I'm still alive.  I'll be seeing the neurologist and my PCM tomorrow.  Finally I'll know if my spine is worse.  I'm praying it is better but I know the odds of that aren't good.  Hey I can hope; my thyroid cysts are gone so yes I'll keep some bit of hope.

J is doing well.  He still falls asleep while feeding Little E.  That pisses me off.  What if she falls out of his arms again?  She survived the first fall because there were, thankfully, pillows on the floor.  So yeah I have some trust issues with him holding her.  We aren't talking about late night sleep deprived feedings.  He falls asleep during mid day too.  I've seen him fall asleep while holding her and rocking her while he is standing.  What the heck?  Is my baby a sominex pill for him?

Oh and we might be moving if I can get my PCM to fill out the paperwork to amend my housing request.  Yes, this means I would have to shell out the funds to move our household goods to the next house but if it means a better place then where were are right now and it is ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) approved I'll be set.  The apartment I live in right now is deadly.  No Hepa filter, transition strips (I trip easily), and spongy walls (prior flooding in our apt) that probably have black mold in them.  We were told if we qualify that we'll be getting one of the newer places that is either a 3 or 4 bedroom.  I said we don't qualify as we have only one child.  They said that number children doesn't matter in this circumstance.  Well if they hadn't of screwed up before, we had that paperwork all signed and stamped before we left the last duty station, we would have had that housing right off.  Sometimes these civilian contractors really piss me off with how they "misplace" requests.


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Bits and Pieces

I have a bit of good news to share with all of you.  The ultrasound I had on my thyroid on Monday turned out normal.  The cysts I had on the thyroid are gone!  YAY!!!

The MRI on Monday was a long one.  I was in the machine for 45 minutes so that a complete spinal scan could be done.  Ugh, that made me ache and walk funny afterwards.  Right leg kept trying to go out from under me.  They offered me a ride in a wheel chair back to the waiting room but I said no.  I'm not stubborn but I knew I needed to "walk off" the problem.

Gross thing of note.  I went back to the waiting room in the Candler St. Joseph's hospital and discovered a roach climbing on the walls.  Just yuck.  Sean killed it for me but still just gross.  I realize it is the south but a roach in a hospital does not instill confidence in their cleanliness for me one iota.

I'm scheduled for surgery there in January and well, um, now I'm worried about an infection from the crud that could possibly be in the hospital.

Bit of odd news today; DH has to escort a soldier to finish his final out.  Of course the soldier disappears today getting the whole battalion; especially my husband, in trouble after lunch.  It isn't like the soldier leaving the Army did anything wrong; he was just overweight.  Ugh!  So our plans for the weekend might be a bust unless they can locate the soldier.

Little E turned three months old today. She is babbling every day.  She can now hold her head erect for long periods of time.  She can sit up by herself for a few seconds.  With help she can stand without losing her legs for about thirty seconds.  I'm so proud of her.  She loves to grip onto her toys that hang from the play gym.